I am really starting to trust him. 
For the past couple of days, I’ve been psm-ing, hard. It has been crazy experiencing all these quick changing emotions. I thought this new birth control was supposed to help my PMDD symptoms! But I’ve been able to control them when interacting with others. I have been able to think logically about what I should let go.

Yes, on my down time, I want to crawl into myself and sleep until this sadness is over, and I have no desire to talk to anyone socially, but I haven’t lashed out. So is that what the pill helps with? I can’t tell. 

A light bulb moment happened while I was sober and it’s really made me see things differently. I am a very sensitive person, but I also get over things very quickly. I was really hurt that he didn’t tell me about the trip earlier or invite me, but I realized that he doesn’t want to hurt me. He also wants to do what he wants to do so he can’t risk hurting me so he’ll feel bad. That’s my take on it. It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. I’m a believer. 

I was hurt for a while, but I should be grateful that he cares so much about my feelings. He’s such a kind soul. Selfish at times, but he has every right to be and I can never be upset about it because I want him to do what he wants to do. I want him to be happy. It’s selfish of me to not support him in all the things he wants to do. 

Now I’m high, so I really felt like this was a huge breakthrough for me. I realized today that I trust him to always be there for me. I know that if I ask him to be here for me now, he would. I know that right now I just need to be by myself while I get over this sadness because it’s just a mismosh of emotions no one can help me with. If I surround myself with people, I will just get more irritated. 

Tada. 

Every time I saw him at work today, I smiled so hard inside and for a few seconds, I was happy because by me just trusting that he’d always be there for me reassured me that I was loved. I don’t need him to verbally say anything to me or listen to me talk about my rants and act crazy, crying at the drop of a dime. 

I really am so lucky to have someone like him in my life.