I don’t usually make resolutions because I know I’ll break them, but I always think about what I’m looking forward to in the next year and if there’s something about me that can be tweaked so I can continue growing. 

For next year, I want to try to be less safe. I don’t know if I can do it, but if I don’t just jump, I’ll be at the same spot. How boring of a life - but it’s safe. Contentment. A lot of people are okay with that and I get that, it’s just not for me. I’m too restless and I get depressed. I had dinner last night with my best friend  and we’ve really stayed the same people and it feels so easy being myself. We’ve matured, but our true selves are the exact same. She’s content where she’s at right now. She’s willing to move across country with a guy she just met 2 months ago and see where her future takes her. WHAT?! No, I’m always career first. I just need something that continues to drive me. I like her thinking. So much less stressful - but I’m addicted to that stress.

So less safe means, dive in and start doing what I need to do. Stop making excuses and figure it out. I’m not happy where I’m at right now, but I think about what it can do to my future, it doesn’t sound so bad. Fuck. I’m torn again. So, 2012, help me out here. 

And of course, learn to let go. I feel as though every couple of months I learn to let go of something different. There’s just so many damn hurdles.

I have said I realize that the love I expect to receive is no different then the love he can give. He loves me, just in a different way. Even though there may be little things about him that can give me anxiety, it makes him him and I adore all of him. It just wouldn’t be the same, you know? 

I’m still so overwhelmed by my love for him and I just can’t get enough of him and we’ve been together for a year in a half. Am I serious? He probably considers it a little too attached and always calls me out on my attachment issues…but I still get what I want done, done. I feel as if I’m getting better at balancing so it’s time to buckle down and have a new challenge. I’m high, so I get back to resolution #1. Back to letting go, I need to really let go of the things that give me anxiety that aren’t big issues. Vent it out, but don’t hold it against him. I think I’ve been doing a good job at it, but there’s more work to be done. 

I’m a little too sensitive and dramatic, but I think he’s seriously the best thing that has happened to me in a really long time. He’s helping me get my life together even though I always say I have it together. He’s patient and kind and makes me laugh even though I tell him his jokes are not funny. He deals with my attachment issues because he loves me. I hate discussing futures with boys because it’s like if you make plans and it all comes apart, it’s like your dream fell apart, so this is a bold statement but I really can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. 

Way too sappy now.

2011, you’ve been really rocky - I don’t want to re-live you. 2012, don’t let me down.